#17: Managing Motherhood Without A Village
You ever hear that old saying, “It takes a village to raise a child”? Cute. Idealistic. Slightly infuriating. Because for many of us, the “village” has either ghosted, moved across the country, or is out here managing their own chaos.
No one prepares you for how lonely motherhood can actually be. How the village you think you’ll have or the village that said they “can’t wait until the baby comes” disappears slowly out of your life once that baby is born. I lost so many people along the entirety of my life but never as much or as quickly once I became a mom. How ironic, isn’t it? The time you need your village the absolute most and they all but abandon you?
So, what happens when the only one helping you raise these tiny humans is you—plus maybe one text-thread soulmate who checks in with, “How’s your mental health, and did you drink water today?” If you have someone like that, cherish them deeply.
Mama, you are not crazy for feeling like it’s all too much. This post is for the moms doing it solo-ish; whether that be one coworker willing to listen, one loyal bestie, a close family member, or if you’re lucky like me, you got your mama.
Let’s break down how to keep your head, heart, and sense of humor intact—even if your “village” is basically a solo act with a guest appearance by your best friend and the occasional Target cashier who compliments your kid’s friendliness.
1. Lower the Bar, Raise Your Sanity (And Tell Supermom to Sit the Hell Down)
Let’s just get this out of the way: the whole “Supermom” thing? It’s a scam. A myth. A branding exercise invented by someone who never had to wipe poop off a car seat while ordering school supplies on their phone. Supermom is not real—she’s an Instagram filter in yoga pants. She's got a nanny, a house cleaner, emotional support wine, and still lies about how effortlessly she packed that crustless bento box lunch.
And listen, if you’re out here mothering without a full-time village, no partner, or just doing the bulk of the labor solo—you have zero business holding yourself to that fantasy standard. You are not a failure for letting go of the Pinterest-perfect expectations. You are a survivor. You are functioning in chaos. You are making a home and a life with what you’ve got. That takes strength—not shame.
So yeah, it’s time to lower that damn bar. Not because you’re slacking—but because you’re smart. Because you know that peace of mind matters more than perfectly folded laundry. Because burnt toast is still breakfast. Because sometimes the bravest thing a mom can do is let something go without apologizing.
Try This:
Choose your daily “bare minimums” and let the rest burn, sis. (Fed? Safe? Hugs? That’s a win.)
When guilt creeps in, ask yourself: “Am I doing my best with what I’ve got today?” If the answer is yes, then let the guilt pack its bags and find another mama.
2. Lean Into Your One-Woman Support Group (AKA Your Emotional Lifeline in a Messy Bun)
Let’s talk about her—your person. The one who doesn’t get weird when you FaceTime her from the bathroom floor, mascara running and toddler screaming in the background. The one who texts “You good?” when you disappear for three days, and actually means it. She’s not your entire village, but she’s that one magical unicorn holding it down while you try not to drown.
You don’t need a girl gang of ten or a sisterhood of traveling casseroles. You need one. One soul who gets the ugly, the honest, the “I yelled at my kid and now I feel like garbage” texts—and doesn’t try to fix you. She just sees you. And stays.
In a world that screams “Find your tribe!” and “Build your network!” I’m over here saying: nah, one real one will do just fine. Because one person who reminds you that you’re not a monster, just a tired-ass mom trying her best, is more powerful than fifty people clapping from a distance.
Try This:
Text her before you spiral. You don’t have to wait until you’ve hit rock bottom to reach out. That’s what she’s there for.
Put a recurring 15-minute “check-in call” on the calendar—no filters, no pressure, no pretending. Just messy updates and love.
3. More Automation, Less Indecision
Honestly, when you don’t have a built-in team (or even someone to take the damn chicken out of the freezer), every single decision—snacks, screen time, whether your kid can wear pajamas to the grocery store—starts to feel like an Olympic-level mental triathlon. And surprise, surprise: you're doing it all with zero warm-up, no coach, and an audience that only claps when you hand them watered-down juice.
The hack? Stop reinventing the wheel every day. Automate the boring stuff. Script the chaos. Build just enough structure to give your overworked brain a break. We’re not aiming for rigid routines that collapse the second someone spills a sippy cup; we’re aiming for predictability with wiggle room. Something you can lean on when your energy is at “barely functioning” and the toddler is on his third outfit change by 10am. Your brain is for big things, like raising humans and remembering to breathe. Automate the small stuff so you can focus on surviving the big picture with slightly less cussing.
Try This:
Create a “default weekday” schedule. Not a minute-by-minute military drill—just a soft outline. Morning block, nap/lunch block, play/screen/snack block, dinner/bed meltdown combo.
Pick 3-5 dinners that everyone will eat (or at least not scream about) and just rotate them on autopilot. You’re not failing. You’re a meal-prepping minimalist genius.
Bonus hack: Set alarms on your phone for transitions. It’s like having a little assistant in your pocket that reminds you you’re the boss.
4. Be Ruthless With Your Energy Budget
You know how your bank account has limits? Or how our car volume (unfortunately) has limits? Well, your energy does too. When you’re doing most of this mom thing solo, you’ve got to protect your emotional checking account like it's holding Beyoncé tickets. Whether your mom needs your help picking out her next set of plates even though she has at least 6 sets already, or your boss needs you to pick up the slack from another co-worker without any extra pay. You need to say “no” more often than you say “yes.”
Our energy needs to be treated like it’s sacred because our kids take up the majority of it already, we need what’s left over, for us. Your significant other is perfectly capable of doing a load of laundry, cooking a meal or taking over bath time for you. Take that time for you! You can use that extra energy for painting your nails, taking a shower, reading a few pages, or even just taking a step outside for some deep, calming breaths before you snap on someone.
It’s so important to take time for yourself mostly because if you’re not taking care of your energy, you can burn yourself out even quicker and it actually affects the way you show up for your family. Your family actually might benefit more when you conserve your energy for more important things and as a bonus, you model how to prioritize your energy so that your kids can see and use their energy wisely as they get older. It’s a win-win.
Try This:
Every “yes” costs energy. Before you agree, ask, “What’s the cost?” and “Is this going to benefit me?”
Cut out emotional freeloaders. (Yes, even if they’re family.)
Recap:
Lower The Bar, Raise Your Sanity - You’re not here to be perfect—you’re here to be present. Lowering the bar isn’t giving up; it’s choosing peace over pressure.
Lean Into Your One-Woman Support Group - One real friend who shows up when life’s messy beats a whole village of people who don’t get it. Keep her close and let her in, not just when you're okay.
More Automation, Less Indecision - Motherhood doesn’t need to be a mental obstacle course every day. Automate what you can so your brain has space to breathe.
Be Ruthless With Your Energy Budget - Your energy is a limited resource—spend it like cash you can’t overdraft. If it drains you, it doesn’t deserve you.
So maybe you don’t have a crew of helpful aunties, a helpful or involved co-parent, or a neighborhood babysitting swap. But you do have you. Your grit, your heart, your magic. And if you’ve got even one friend who gets it? That’s enough to keep going. Motherhood without a village is no joke. It’s survival and soul work, every damn day. But you’re doing it. And that, mama, is legendary.
You are the village. Your bestie is the backup. And this hot mess motherhood journey? It’s still beautiful.
If you're out here building a whole damn life without a village, just know: you're not weak—you’re wildly powerful. But powerful doesn’t mean you don’t need support. That’s what I’m here for.
Drop a comment below and tell me: Which of these tips are you claiming as your survival move this week? Is it lowering the bar? Scheduling a check-in call with your one real one? Ruthlessly protecting your peace? I wanna know what’s resonating and what you’re gonna run with.
And if you’ve got a fellow mama doing it without a village? Send her this post. Remind her she’s not alone. Be that one-woman support group.
If you found this post helpful, be sure to check out my other tips on self-care for busy moms, or browse my full collection of motherhood hacks to make life a little easier! Thank you so much for reading, remember to follow me on all my socials and don’t forget to subscribe to my website to be the first to read my weekly blog.
If no one told you today, you are an amazing mom and I see you. You wouldn’t be reading this blog if you weren’t and I am SO proud of you. Keep loving yourself too, mama.
With Love, Caitlin Nichols
Founder of Love Yourself Too, Mama
