#16: 5 Signs You’re a Burned-Out Mom - How To Spot It, Fix It And Heal From it
Let’s just go ahead and say it: burnout isn’t just for my old friends smoking their 4th set of tires that year or the overtime hustle-hard girlies on Instagram. Mom burnout is a special kind of soul-frying fatigue that starts with forgetting what day it is and ends with you crying in the laundry room while hiding from your toddler who just can’t seem to take the “no” and move on.
It’s waking up tired, going to bed exhausted, and doing more emotional labor before noon than most people do all week. All while being expected to glow from the inside out, with collagen-packed smoothies, gym leggings that never wrinkle, and an attitude of serene gratitude while scrubbing crayon off the walls. Cute.
We’re told to “enjoy every moment” while being used as a human napkin, therapist, chef, chauffeur, and housekeeper. Oh, and don’t forget to stay sexy, hydrated, toned, gluten-free, polite, emotionally regulated, and Pinterest-worthy. No pressure, right?
But here’s the truth: you’re not failing — the system is. You're not weak, ungrateful, or bad at this. You're burned the hell out — and it’s time we talk about it. Not with empty platitudes and “treat yourself” memes. But with real talk, a dash of science, and practical, doable strategies to reclaim your damn life.
Grab your matcha, iced/hot coffee, water, your kids juice, or wine and let’s dive in.
1. What the Hell Is Mom Burnout Anyway?
Let’s get nerdy for a second. Burnout isn’t just a mood. It’s a medically recognized state of chronic stress characterized by emotional exhaustion, depersonalization (feeling disconnected or numb), and a reduced sense of accomplishment. It’s when even small tasks feel overwhelming and your coping mechanisms include caffeine, crying, and counting the hours till bedtime.
A study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that parental burnout isn’t just about being tired — it’s a full-on psychological syndrome. It can lead to anxiety, depression, even physical illness. And let’s be honest, many of us are one “Mom, I need a snack!” away from completely snapping.
Actionable AF:
Burnout Check-In: Ask yourself weekly: Am I irritable more than usual? Do I feel numb or disconnected? Have I laughed — like actually laughed — lately?
Name It to Tame It: Say the damn word. “I’m burned out” has more power than “I’m just tired.” One keeps you stuck. The other opens the door to change.
Take Symptoms Seriously: If you had the flu, you’d rest. Emotional burnout deserves the same care. Cancel the extra, let things drop, and take a beat.
2. The Martyr Mom Myth: Killing Yourself Softly with Expectations
Let me say this as loud as the guilt in your group text thread: You are not a better mom because you're suffering more. Somewhere along the line, we were fed a big steaming bowl of bullshit stew that said “real moms” sacrifice everything — their time, health, dreams, bodies — all with a grateful smile.
But martyrdom doesn’t make you holy, sweetie. It makes you bitter. It makes you exhausted. It teaches your kids that women are supposed to be exhausted. And maybe we don’t want to pass that baton.
Self-help legend Brené Brown says, “When we numb the pain, we also numb the joy.” But when you're running on fumes and forced smiles, there's no space for joy — just survival mode.
Actionable AF:
Say Yes to You: Block 30 minutes a day. Use it for something that feeds you. Not chores. Not errands. Something that makes you feel human again.
Start Small with Boundaries: “I’m not available for that right now” is a complete sentence. No over-explaining. No apologies.
Break the Cycle: Your kids are watching. Let them see that moms can be whole people too, not just vending machines for snacks and emotional regulation.
3. The Invisible Load Is Dragging Us to Hell, Quietly
You ever lie in bed at night and your brain starts whispering: “Did I send that email? What’s for dinner tomorrow? Did I text her uncle back about the baby shower? Why does her backpack smell weird?” Welcome to the magical world of the invisible load — all the unspoken, unshared, and unending tasks that fall squarely on our shoulders.
And nobody sees it. That’s the part that breaks you. Not just the doing — but the knowing. Being the one who remembers everything, plans everything, and cleans up everything…even when you're already broken.
Mental load is more than annoying — it’s emotionally dangerous. It creates chronic stress that has been linked to cortisol overload, insomnia, and long-term emotional burnout.
Actionable AF:
Write It Down: List everything you manage mentally for one full week. You’ll shock even yourself. Then share it with your partner or housemates.
Create “Default” Tasks: Assign default responsibility zones. For example: you do meals, your partner does laundry. No reminding. No follow-up.
Use “Outsourcing” Wisely: Amazon Subscribe & Save is your new bestie. Essentials delivered without thought counts as self-care. Pay for help where possible — you're not lazy, you’re smart.
4. Rest Is Not a Damn Luxury
Somewhere along the way, “rest” got rebranded as a luxury item for women. Like a spa treatment you earn if you finish all your chores, throw a themed birthday party, and survive a week of your kids being home for school vacation. Lies. All lies.
Rest is a basic human need — like water, food, and coffee that isn’t microwave-reheated three times. When you deny yourself real rest (not “sitting on the couch answering texts” rest — real rest), your body starts to break down. Your brain short-circuits. Your mood crashes.
Rest isn’t weak. It’s wise. And it’s non-negotiable if you want to keep showing up for everyone you love (including yourself).
Actionable AF:
Protect Your “Off” Time: Even 15-20 minutes a day where you don’t talk, think, plan, or parent. Your brain needs silence.
Create a No-List: Things you’re not doing anymore (folding baby socks, answering emails after 8 p.m., cooking separate meals for picky eaters - let me know how when you figure this one out, please and thank you in advance).
Sleep Like You Mean It: No screens 30 minutes before bed. Magnesium, meditation apps, blackout curtains — whatever helps. Protect your nighttime peace like it's a sacred ritual.
5. Recovery Mode: Baby Steps Back to Sanity
Let’s be honest — you’re not waking up one morning magically transformed from burnt toast to glowing goddess. Burnout recovery isn’t like extreme makeover: burned out mom edition; it’s slow, steady, often messy steps that feel boring as hell but build you back piece by piece. It's brushing your hair. Drinking water. Texting a friend instead of doomscrolling. It’s being gentle when your instinct is to hustle harder. It’s not glamorous, but it’s how you find your way home to yourself.
The key is to stop waiting for a magical break or for your “fairy Godmother” to come swooping in to rescue you, and start creating micro-moments of reset. Science backs this up: even tiny doses of self-compassion and nervous system regulation (hello breath work, meditation, grounding, and movement) can dramatically improve mental health outcomes.
Actionable AF:
Bookend Your Day: Start and end with something that’s just for you — even if it’s a five-minute stretch or a hot shower you don’t rush.
Move Your Body Gently: Not for calories. For sanity. A walk. A dance break. A shake-it-off kitchen moment. Get the energy unstuck.
Ask for (and Accept) Help: Not a cry for rescue — just real, adult support. Text a friend. Tell your partner. Call your mom. Say, “I need a break” and mean it without feeling mom-guilt.
Recap:
What Is Mom Burnout? - Burnout isn’t just being tired — it’s a chronic emotional crash-and-burn that messes with your mood, memory, and motivation. If you feel like you're drowning in motherhood instead of enjoying it, you’re not crazy — you’re cooked.
The Martyr Mom Myth - Self-sacrifice doesn’t make you a better mom; it just makes you a more exhausted one. You deserve space, joy, and rest — not because you earned it, but because you’re human.
That Invisible Load You’re Always Dragging - Just because they can’t see the mental to-do list in your head doesn’t mean it’s not real — or ridiculously heavy. It’s time to share the load, delegate, and stop carrying motherhood alone.
Rest Is Not A Reward, It’s A Requirement - You don’t have to wait for burnout to collapse into rest — you can claim it before you crash. Rest isn’t indulgent; it’s essential maintenance for your mind, body, and soul.
Recovery Mode - You don’t need to overhaul your life — you just need to start showing up for yourself in small, daily ways. Recovery from burnout starts when you stop abandoning yourself in the name of “getting it all done.”
Been there? Still living there with a half-drunk coffee and a mile-long to-do list? Let’s talk about it — no filters, no shame, no judgement. Share your burnout story in the comments, vent to me via email or tag a mama who’s riding the hot mess express with you. Because we’re not meant to white-knuckle our way through motherhood alone, and trust me — if you’re feeling it, someone else is too.
And listen, I know the world expects you to do it all, smile through it, and be grateful while you slowly unravel like a dollar store loofah. But burnout doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you a human one.
You don’t need to be a superhero mom. You need to be a supported mom. A seen mom. A rested and real and respected mom.
So here’s your permission slip: Drop the cape. Burn the martyr script. Take the nap. Let the damn dishes sit. You are worthy of rest, joy, and help — not because you’re perfect, but because you’re a person.
Burnout may have brought you here, but it doesn’t have to keep you here. You’re allowed to rebuild. Slowly. Loudly. Beautifully.
And I’ll be over here, cheering you on — probably with half an iced coffee and a half-eaten granola bar standing there in my bra — but cheering all the same.
If you found this post helpful, be sure to check out my other tips on self-care for busy moms, or browse my full collection of motherhood hacks to make life a little easier! Thank you so much for reading, remember to follow me on all my socials and don’t forget to subscribe to my website to be the first to read my weekly blog and to join my Love Yourself Too, Mama community!
If no one told you today, you are an amazing mom and I see you. You wouldn’t be reading this blog if you weren’t and I am SO proud of you. Keep loving yourself too, mama.
With Love, Caitlin Nichols
