#25: Why Mom Comparison Culture Is Toxic (And 5 Ways to Protect Your Peace)
You ever scroll Instagram while hiding from your kids in the bathroom and come across a mom who’s meal-prepping quinoa while wearing a matching linen set, and think to yourself, “Well, clearly I suck”? Yeah, same. That sneaky little monster named Comparison loves to pop up when you’re already running on cold coffee and four hours of sleep. But here’s the truth: comparison is a lying, thieving, joy-snatching little gremlin. And today, we’re kicking it out of your brain and back under the bridge where it belongs.
Let’s dive into what comparison is really doing to you, why your brain clings to it, and how to finally stop measuring your life against someone else’s highlight reel. You deserve more peace than that.
1. Why Comparison is the Actual Thief of Joy (Like, Science-Proven Thief)
Here’s the deal: our brains are wired to compare. It’s part of how we understand ourselves and the world. But in motherhood? That wiring goes haywire. According to social comparison theory, constantly measuring ourselves against others (especially in unrealistic online spaces) directly contributes to depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. One 2018 study found that moms who engage in upward social comparison (aka “Why don’t I have my sh*t together like her?”) experience significantly higher emotional distress.
So yeah, you’re not weak - you’re human. But that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in the scroll hole.
3 Realistic Tips:
Audit your feeds: Curate your digital space like your living room. If it makes you feel small, it doesn’t belong. There’s an “uninterested” button for a reason.
Say it out loud: Catch yourself mid-comparison? Say it out loud. Naming it breaks its spell.
Use humor to break the loop: Exaggerate the thought: “Oh great, she also invented Post-its while breastfeeding twins.” Laugh, then let it go.
2. The Comparison Trap Has No Finish Line - So Why Are You Still Running?
Let me hit you with a truth bomb: even if you “win” at the comparison game, you still lose because the finish line just moves again. Psychologists call this the hedonic treadmill: we adapt to every level of success and immediately want more. So you finally lost the baby weight? Great. Now you’re judging yourself for not having a six-figure business and a spotless kitchen, too.
If you’re chasing someone else’s version of “enough,” you’ll never feel full. So let’s get off the treadmill.
3 Realistic Tips:
Define your finish line: What does success feel like in your actual, beautiful mess of a life?
Create a “no-compare” zone: Pick one place (your car, your bathroom mirror) where comparison is not allowed.
Celebrate the damn small stuff: You remembered picture day? Gold medal. Start noticing what you are doing right.
3. Social Media is a Highlight Reel, Not a Documentary
Social media is not reality. It’s the blooper-free version of life, curated to get clicks and compliments. Studies show that social media increases comparison-based stress, especially for moms - because guess what? You’re seeing one second of someone’s life and filling in the rest with your insecurities. A clean kitchen in a reel doesn’t show the pile of laundry hiding outside the frame.
Remember: no one’s life looks as perfect as it does online, and that includes the mom you just convinced yourself is doing it better than you.
3 Realistic Tips:
Time-block your scrolls: Set a 10-minute timer. Scroll with intention or don’t scroll at all.
Mute without apology: Protect your mental health like your kids’ snacks.
Be the real one: Post the unfiltered moments. Normalize real motherhood, it’s more powerful than you know.
4. Your Journey is Custom-Built, Not Cookie-Cutter
There’s no universal blueprint for what motherhood “should” look like. Yet so many of us are trying to follow someone else’s design. But your story? It’s original. It’s layered. It’s full of grit and grace. And comparing your unique path to someone else’s is like judging a sunflower for not looking like a rose. It’s not just unfair; it’s pointless.
Let’s start honoring where you’ve been and trusting where you’re going.
3 Realistic Tips:
Write your origin story: What have you walked through that others haven’t? That strength matters.
Daily affirmation: “This is my story. I’m allowed to be different.”
Track progress, not perfection: Instead of “Did I do it all?” ask, “Did I grow?”
5. When You Compare, You Miss the Magic Right in Front of You
Comparison steals not just your joy, but your presence. It keeps you stuck in “not enough” when right in front of you is a toddler who just learned to say “thank you,” a sunset out your kitchen window, or five peaceful minutes with your coffee. Research on mindfulness shows that living in the present improves mood, gratitude, and self-compassion (aka the exact things comparison chokes out.)
So put your phone down and look up, mama. Your joy’s been waving at you this whole time.
3 Realistic Tips:
Set a “look up” alarm: Pause daily and find one joy-filled moment around you.
Start a joy photo album: One photo per day of something real and lovely.
Speak the joy out loud: Tell your kid, “I loved watching you play today.” Watch their faces. Let that be enough.
Recap:
Why Comparison Is Actually The Thief Of Joy: Comparison is a biological default, not a personal flaw but in the digital age, it’s become a chronic mental drain. The more we compare, the more we lose touch with our own reality and joy.
The Comparison Trap: Comparison convinces you that happiness is one more milestone away but you’ll never catch it. Your life doesn’t need to measure up to anyone else’s to be meaningful.
Social Media Is Just A Highlight Reel: Social media distorts reality and feeds comparison. You’re not behind; you’re just looking at someone’s best moment through a filter.
Your Journey Is Custom Build: You weren’t meant to follow someone else’s script. Your story is valid, valuable, and unfolding exactly the way it’s supposed to—even if it’s messier than you thought.
When You Compare, You Miss the Magic Right in Front of You: The more you compare, the more disconnected you become from the beauty of your real life. Choosing presence over comparison brings joy back into focus.
A Little Accountability Challenge
Do one of the following to kick comparisons ass to the curb:
Daily Journal Prompt: “Where did I compare today? How did it make me feel? What’s a truer, kinder thought I can choose instead?”
The Joy Jar: Drop one little joy in a jar each day - something you noticed and appreciated. Read them back at the end of the week.
One-Day Digital Detox: Pick one day. No social media. Reflect on how your energy, mood, and thoughts shift without constant comparison triggers.
A Love Note to the Mama Who’s Tired of Feeling Behind
Hey, love - the one who thinks she should be doing more, looking better, or parenting differently by now… can I lovingly say: you’re already doing so damn much. You are raising tiny humans, surviving life’s chaos, and showing up even when you feel like a mess. Please don’t waste another drop of your precious energy comparing yourself to someone else’s filtered moment.
Your joy is not behind a screen. It’s in your belly laughs. Your quiet coffee. Your kids’ eyes. Come back to you. That’s where the magic is.
If you found this post helpful, be sure to check out my other tips on self-care for busy moms, or browse my full collection of motherhood hacks to make life a little easier! Thank you so much for reading, remember to follow me on all my socials and don’t forget to subscribe to my website to be the first to read my weekly blog.
If no one told you today, you are an amazing mom and I see you. You wouldn’t be reading this blog if you weren’t and I am SO proud of you. Keep loving yourself too, mama.
With Love, Caitlin Nichols
