#26: Emotional Intelligence in Motherhood: What It Is, Why It Matters & How to Model It
Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids While Still Figuring Out Your Own Shit
Have you ever had one of those days where you’re emotionally teetering on the edge because someone spilled your fresh coffee, the toddler started to refuse naps, and you're trying to cry in peace behind the bathroom door while also Googling “emotional resilience in children”?
Yeah. Me too.
Here’s the thing: so many of us are trying to raise emotionally intelligent kids while we’re still learning how to feel our feelings without shutting down, yelling, or spiraling into shame. And you know what?
That’s not failing. That’s evolving.
Right in front of their little eyes. And that’s more powerful than pretending you’ve got it all figured out.
So let’s talk about Emotional Intelligence: what it is, why it matters, how to model it, and how to give yourself grace while becoming the woman and mama you're meant to be.
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
If the phrase "emotional intelligence" makes you feel like you need a TED Talk and a yoga mat, take a deep breath. We're not here to overcomplicate it.
Emotional Intelligence (EI) is simply your ability to:
Recognize and name your emotions
Understand what’s causing them
Express or manage them in a healthy, human way
In mom terms? It’s how you don’t scream when the toddler drops their smoothie on your fresh-out-the-dryer blankets… again.
3 Real-Life Mama Tips:
Name it to tame it: Say your feelings out loud: “I feel really frustrated right now because it’s loud and I need quiet.” This helps you regulate, and teaches your kids that emotions are okay to name and share.
Check in with yourself: Ask: “What do I need right now?” Is it rest, space, a hug, a snack? Teach your kids to check in with themselves by watching you do it for you.
Use the sacred pause: When you're about to lose it, take 5 seconds. Deep breath. Sip of water. Walk out of the room. You’re not ignoring your feelings; you’re showing them how to regulate.
Why Emotional Intelligence Is So Important
Here’s the truth: Emotional intelligence isn't “nice to have.” It helps your kids build stronger relationships, handle big feelings, bounce back from hard things, and understand who they are.
And guess what? You're their first teacher (or second to Ms. Rachel - God bless her.) Not through perfection but through presence. Through the way you pause instead of yell. Through how you say “I’m sorry” and try again.
Every messy moment is a teaching moment when you choose growth over guilt. You're not just raising kids—you're raising humans who feel, connect, and thrive.
3 Real-Life Mama Tips:
You're the blueprint: They learn how to handle emotions by watching you handle yours. Every eye-roll, apology, deep breath, or blow-up? That’s teaching them something.
Feelings aren’t a weakness: Normalize emotions. Say things like “It’s okay to feel sad” or “You can be mad and still be kind.” Let feelings exist without judgment or fixing.
They do better in life when they’re allowed to feel: Kids who understand and manage emotions are better problem-solvers, more empathetic friends, and more confident in themselves. No pressure but yeah, you're kind of a big deal.
You Don’t Have to Have It All Figured Out (Seriously)
Lean in close: no one knows what they’re doing all the time. Not me. Not that crunchy mom on Instagram. Not your mother-in-law with her “back in my day” wisdom.
Motherhood isn’t about having it all together; it’s about showing up, even when you don’t. It’s about taking a deep breath when you want to scream. Apologizing when you mess up. Trying again tomorrow when today went off the rails by 8 a.m.
The goal isn’t perfection; it’s progress. Your kids don’t need you to be flawless. They just need to see that it’s safe to grow, safe to mess up, and safe to try again.
Every imperfect moment is an invitation to model what it looks like to be human and healing. What matters is that you’re trying. That you're showing up. That you're growing.
3 Real-Life Mama Tips:
Be real, not perfect: Say it with me: “I made a mistake.” Let your kids see you admit it. That vulnerability teaches resilience.
Let them see the growth: “I’m working on yelling less.” “I’m learning to take care of my feelings.” Your kids watching you grow gives them permission to do the same.
Celebrate your tiny victories: Did you pause before snapping? Apologize after losing your cool? That’s called healing, babe. You’re doing it.
Modeling Emotional Intelligence for Your Kids
You can’t fake it ‘til you make it with emotional intelligence (your kids are way too perceptive for that.) They feel your energy before you say a word. They know when you’re regulated, and they definitely know when you’re about to lose it.
You can practice emotional intelligence out loud, in real-time, in the middle of the mess. The more you narrate what’s happening in your body, your brain, and your heart, the more it becomes second nature - for both of you.
3 Real-Life Mama Tips:
Narrate your feelings and actions: “I’m feeling stressed, so I’m going to sit quietly for a minute.” This helps kids learn what to do with emotions besides screaming into a pillow.
Apologize and repair: “I shouldn’t have yelled. That wasn’t okay. I’m sorry.” This shows them how to own mistakes and rebuild trust.
Ask for their feelings too: “How did that make you feel?” or “What do you need right now?” makes empathy a normal part of conversation—not a rare lecture.
Growing Together
You’re not the mom you were a year ago (and thank goodness.) You’re evolving in front of their eyes - together. And that’s beautiful. Whether you take it day by day or hour by hour, as long as you recognize what’s going on inside you, you can help them recognize what’s going on inside of them.
3 Real-Life Mama Tips:
Let go of the timeline: There’s no prize for healing faster. Just keep going. Progress over perfection, always.
Make emotional growth a family value: Say things like, “In our house, we’re allowed to feel our feelings” or “We don’t shame each other for messing up.”
Connection always wins: When you’re lost in the chaos, focus on reconnection. A touch, a hug, eye contact. Come back to love—it’s the best reset.
Recap:
What is Emotional Intelligence: It’s how we feel, name, and manage our emotions—and help our kids do the same.
Why It’s So Important: Emotional intelligence is the secret sauce to confidence, empathy, and real-life resilience.
You Don’t Have to Have It All Figured Out: You’re learning in front of them, and that’s more powerful than pretending to have it together.
Modeling Emotional Intelligence: Your reactions are teaching tools. Use your everyday moments to show them how to handle emotions with heart.
Growing Together: You’re not late. You’re right on time. You’re becoming—and that’s enough.
Gentle Reminders
You can be growing and still be a good mom.
Progress matters more than perfection.
Your emotions are valid—even the messy ones.
Every pause is a win.
You are not behind—you’re evolving.
Your kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need you.
Repair is more powerful than pretending it didn’t happen.
Empathy starts at home—with yourself.
Your tiny wins are actually huge.
Love yourself too, Mama. Every single version of you.
Accountability Assignment:
Choose one emotionally intelligent phrase to say out loud in front of your kids. Try:
“I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a break and come back when I feel calm.”
“I’m sad today, and that’s okay. Feelings come and go.”
“I made a mistake, and I’m going to make it right.”
“I’m sorry I was frustrated and yelled at you.”
✨ Then share it!
Screenshot your gentle reminders, share this to your besties, or tell your story in your feed or stories. Tag me @loveyourselftoomama and use #EmotionalIntelligence so we can celebrate growth in progress, together.
If you found this post helpful, be sure to check out my other tips on self-care for busy moms, or browse my full collection of motherhood hacks to make life a little easier! Thank you so much for reading, remember to follow me on all my socials and don’t forget to subscribe to my website to be the first to read my weekly blog.
If no one told you today, you are an amazing mom and I see you. You wouldn’t be reading this blog if you weren’t and I am SO proud of you. Keep loving yourself too, mama.
With Love, Caitlin Nichols
