#15: Raising Kids & Loving Yourself: How to Be the Example They Actually Need
How You Can Teach Your Kids to Love Themselves and Take Care of Their Mental Health by Modeling Self-Respect, Self-Love, and Emotional Boundaries
I think we can all agree that parenting is equal parts beautiful, brutal, and batsh*t bananas. One minute you’re a goddess in mom jeans, kissing boo-boos and whipping up dinosaur-shaped pancakes, and the next you’re hiding in the bathroom, whisper-crying into a granola bar while Googling, “Can I survive on zero sleep, half a granola bar, and pure spite?” Motherhood is wild like that — chaotic, soul-stretching, and constantly flipping the script just when you think you’ve got your lines memorized.
But here’s the truth bomb no one really prepares us for: our kids are watching us way more than they’re listening. You can preach self-love until you're blue in the face, but if they see you burning yourself out, constantly putting yourself last, or hating your reflection in the mirror, that’s what sticks. The way we treat ourselves becomes their blueprint. Every sigh, every sacrifice, every side comment we make about our bodies or our worth — they absorb it all.
So if we want to raise kids who love themselves deeply, who respect their own limits, who know how to rest, cry, set boundaries, bounce back, and say “no” without guilt — it starts with us. Loving yourself while raising kids isn’t just some Pinterest-worthy ideal. It’s a radical, necessary act of generational healing. It’s showing them, through your own messy, brave, perfectly imperfect example, that love begins within.
And no, it’s not always easy. You won’t always get it right. But every time you choose to speak kindly to yourself, take a breath instead of snapping, or say, “I matter too” — you're planting seeds. You're building a legacy.
So let’s dive into the three biggies — the things that will help you raise emotionally intelligent, self-respecting little humans while learning to finally, fully love the badass mom you already are.
1. Self-Respect: Show Them You Matter, Too
Self-respect doesn’t mean you’ve got it all figured out or that you float through life radiating calm and grace like some zen goddess. Let’s be real — some days, you’re just trying to survive until bedtime with a cold cup of coffee, mystery stains on your sweatpants, and a toddler welded to your leg like a barnacle with separation anxiety. And yet, even in that chaos, self-respect means you know your worth. You don’t need perfect hair, a spotless house, or a to-do list that’s fully checked off to stand tall. You know deep down that you’re enough — exactly as you are, messy bun and all.
When you model that kind of unshakable self-worth, your kids soak it up like little emotional sponges. They learn that they don’t have to chase gold stars or shrink themselves to fit in. They start to understand that it’s healthy to have boundaries — that it’s okay to say “no,” to speak up, to ask for help without guilt. And yes, they’ll even realize that sometimes, loving yourself means stepping back from people who dim your light — even if that person is Grandma and her passive-aggressive side comments about your parenting, your weight, or the fact that you let your kid eat string cheese for breakfast. Twice. Self-respect is contagious, and when you lead with it, you give your children permission to do the same.
Realistic Tips to Model Self-Respect:
Say “No” without an essay: If you don’t want to volunteer for the fifth bake sale this month, just say “No, I’m not available.” No guilt. No long-winded excuse. Just boundaries, baby.
Speak kindly to yourself out loud: When you mess up (like forgetting pajama day again), say, “Whoops! That’s okay, I’m still a good mom.” Let your kids hear self-compassion.
Don’t do everything: Let your partner, kids, or even the cat pitch in. You’re not less valuable because you asked for help. You’re just not a martyr. And that’s sexy.
2. Self-Love: Be the Role Model You Needed as a Kid
Self-love isn’t just spa days, bubble baths, or finally peeing with the door closed (though if you get that last one, girl, you’re basically living the dream). And hey, I’m never turning down a hot stone massage or a 20-minute scroll through Target alone — but self-love goes deeper than the occasional treat-yourself moment. It’s about how you talk to yourself on the hard days. It’s about giving yourself grace when you lose your temper, forget the field trip form, or serve chicken nuggets three nights in a row because your brain just couldn’t anymore.
It’s treating yourself like someone who matters — because you do. Not just for what you do for everyone else, but for who you are when no one’s watching. It’s honoring the fact that you’re a whole-ass person outside of being “Mom,” with dreams, desires, needs, and quirks that deserve love and attention, too.
And when you show up for yourself — when you carve out five minutes to breathe, say no to the thing you don’t have the capacity for, or wear the cute outfit just because — your kids notice. They learn that love isn’t just something you pour into others until you’re empty. It’s something you tend within. They see that it’s okay to rest, to take up space, and to celebrate themselves without needing permission. You’re teaching them that self-love isn’t selfish — it’s survival. And more than that, it’s sacred.
Realistic Tips to Model Self-Love:
Do one thing a day just for you: Even if it’s locking the door and eating a cookie in silence. It reminds your brain (and your kids) that you matter too.
Let them see you do what you love: Dance in the kitchen. Paint badly. Start that side hustle. Kids need to know life doesn’t end when you become a parent.
Talk about what makes you proud of yourself: Not just your kids’ achievements. “I’m proud I finally made that doctor’s appointment” is self-love in action.
3. Emotional Boundaries: Feel All the Feels, But Don’t Let Them Take the Wheel
You don’t need to be a stone-cold robot who never cracks or a hot mess sobbing into a pile of laundry to raise emotionally intelligent kids. Somewhere in between is the magic zone — where you’re real, human, and willing to show your feelings without letting them run the whole damn show. What your kids truly need isn’t a perfectly polished, emotionally invincible parent. They need to see someone who acknowledges their feelings, names them, and sets healthy, honest boundaries around them.
It’s okay — more than okay — for your kids to know when you’re sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, or just need five minutes where nobody touches you or asks for a snack. Saying “Mommy’s feeling upset right now, and I need a few minutes to calm down” doesn’t make you weak. It makes you a role model. That’s emotional regulation in action. That’s showing your kids that big feelings aren’t scary or shameful — they’re normal, and they can be handled with care, not chaos.
You're teaching them that it's safe to feel without falling apart. That boundaries are loving, not mean. That emotions don’t have to explode to be expressed. And if that’s not parenting like a boss, I don’t know what is.
Realistic Tips to Model Emotional Boundaries:
Name your feelings out loud: “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths.” Boom. You just taught them emotional intelligence without a single worksheet.
Don’t fix everything for them: Sometimes, just say, “That sounds really hard. I’m here with you.” You don’t need to solve their problems — just hold space.
Hold your limits even when it’s hard: It’s okay if they’re mad you won’t let them have a third popsicle. Boundaries teach safety. Melted popsicles teach ants.
✨ RECAP: Because #MomBrain Is Real At Any Age
Self-respect is how you show your kids they’re allowed to take up space and say no without guilt.
Self-love teaches them they’re worthy just because, not only when they’re useful.
Emotional boundaries show them how to feel their feelings without becoming them. That’s power.
Final Thoughts (AKA: The Pep Talk You Didn’t Know You Needed)
Look, mama; raising kids while trying to love yourself is like folding a fitted sheet… on a roller coaster… in the dark… while someone throws Goldfish at your face. It’s messy. It’s loud. It’s overwhelming. It’s exhausting. And honestly, most of us are just winging it with a half-charged phone and multiple “Calgon, take me away” moments. Some seasons, it feels like you’re killing it. Other days, the biggest win is drinking water and not crying in the laundry room. But through it all, what your kids don’t need is perfection. They don’t need a Pinterest mom or a martyr mom or some Suzy Homemaker version of a mom. They need you. The real, raw, growing, flawed-but-trying, beautiful-in-the-chaos you.
They need to see you show up — not as some polished ideal, but as a human being who’s learning to love herself out loud. Because when you give yourself grace, they learn how to give themselves grace. When you set a boundary (even if it’s “No, you may not talk to me through the bathroom door”), they learn that their voice matters too. When you laugh at your mistakes, dance in the kitchen, ugly cry during a commercial, or hit them with a sarcastic one-liner right after a life lesson — you’re doing sacred work. You’re teaching them resilience. You’re showing them how to love themselves in real time.
So go ahead. Let them see you stumble. Let them see you get back up, brush off the mom guilt, and keep going. That’s how self-love becomes a legacy — not because you had it all figured out, but because you were brave enough to try anyway.
And hey, if all else fails? Just remember: therapy is cheaper if you start now — for you and for them. So consider that boundary a gift that keeps on giving.
Hey, before you go — let’s make this real.
Loving yourself while raising kids isn’t a luxury. And the best part? You don’t have to get it perfect. You just have to start showing up for you, the same way you show up for everyone else.
So here’s your challenge, mama:
This week, pick one way to love yourself out loud. Maybe it’s setting a boundary without apologizing. Maybe it’s saying no to something that drains you. Maybe it’s dancing in your kitchen like the main character in your own damn life.
Whatever it is, do it boldly — and let your kids see it.
💬 I’d love to hear how you’re making space for YOU in the middle of the chaos. Drop a comment, share this with a mama who needs it, or save it for the days you forget that you matter too.
You’re not just raising kids.
You’re raising you, too.
If you found this post helpful, be sure to check out my other tips on self-care for busy moms, or browse my full collection of motherhood hacks to make life a little easier! Thank you so much for reading, remember to follow me on all my socials and don’t forget to subscribe to my website to be the first to read my weekly blog.
If no one told you today, you are an amazing mom and I see you. You wouldn’t be reading this blog if you weren’t and I am SO proud of you. Keep loving yourself too, mama.
With Love, Caitlin Nichols
