#21: You’re More Than a Snack Bitch: Rebuilding Your Self-Worth One Boundary at a Time
If one more person yells “MOM! I WANT A SNACK!” to me like I’m a 24/7 vending machine with boobs, I’m going to start charging service fees. Like, Zelle me or get the fuck outta the kitchen.
But real talk; when did this become the measure of our worth? When did we decide our value was directly tied to how many needs we meet, how little we rest, how many things we checked off our to-do list and how often we say “yes” when we’re absolutely screaming “no” on the inside?
This post is for every woman who’s lost herself in the to-many-to-do lists, the “I got it” reflex, and the guilt hangover that comes from doing one tiny thing for herself. It’s time to reclaim your self-worth; one strong, sassy boundary at a time, let’s go.
1. You Are Not What You Do; Even If You Do Everything
Let’s start with some truth serum, babe:
Self-worth isn’t earned like Starbucks stars where you get your 10th latte for free after serving everyone else for a week straight. It’s not measured in how many birthday cupcakes you baked from scratch, how many errands you ran that day, or how many text threads you kept afloat because no one else remembered your mom’s next chemo treatment.
Self-worth is innate. It’s yours simply because you exist. Period. But for so many moms, it’s buried under mountains of chores, relentless mental checklists, and people-pleasing that’s so automatic we don’t even realize we’re doing it anymore.
The Childhood Connection:
We’re also working against decades of conditioning:
Be helpful.
Be nice.
Be quiet.
Be accommodating.
Make sure everyone else is comfortable even if you’re dying inside.
“They’re still your family”
So of course we tie our worth to how much we do for others. It’s been programmed into us since we were little girls with sparkly pencil cases and Lisa Frank folders.
But here’s the thing: You can be helpful without disappearing. You can be loving without performing like a circus animal every damn day.
Your Worth ≠ Your Work
You are not the sum total of your output. You’re not “good” because you keep the household running. You’re not “bad” because you sat down and read a book while the kids watched Paw Patrol. You’re valuable because you exist. Because you’re a whole human being—one with dreams, talents, flaws, and zero obligation to prove your worth by constantly hustling for gold stars.
Realistic Tools to Break the Cycle
Ready to start untangling your worth from your work? Let’s get practical:
Journal Prompt: “If I stopped doing everything for everyone else, what would still make me valuable?” Dig deep. Write out the things about you that have nothing to do with your to-do list. Your humor. Your creativity. Your empathy. Your resilience.
Catch Your Inner Narrator: Start paying attention to how you talk to yourself. Are you praising yourself for being productive… or for simply being present? It’s okay if the answer is still “productivity.” Awareness is the first step.
Ask Yourself the Million-Dollar Question: “Am I helping because I genuinely want to… or because I’m afraid of what they’ll think if I don’t?” If fear’s in the driver’s seat, it’s time to gently pry its sticky fingers off the wheel.
Here’s the spoiler alert: People-pleasing is just fear in a cute outfit. It’s fear of being rejected. Fear of not being loved. Fear of being called selfish. But fear doesn’t get to run your life anymore. Not if you want to step into the full, radiant woman you were always meant to be.
So the next time someone shoves a to-do list your way or looks at you like you’ve grown three heads for saying “no,” take a deep breath. Remind yourself: “I am not what I do. I am worthy because I exist. And I’m allowed to disappoint people sometimes.” Because you, my friend, are so much more than a snack bitch. You’re a damn force of nature.
2. Boundaries Over Burnout; You’re Not Being A Bitch, I Promise
Listen, Queen. You don’t need another pastel-graphic Instagram post telling you to “drink water and meditate.” You’re not dehydrated; you’re drained.
Because here’s the deal: You’ve accidentally become the default emotional support human for your house, your friend group, your in-laws, and that one person from high school who only messages you when their life is on fire. And you’re tired. Like, soul-crushingly tired.
Somewhere along the way, a lie got lodged into our collective female brain: that boundaries are rude. That saying “no” is selfish. That “good moms” or “good friends” are endlessly available. Bull. Shit. Boundaries aren’t about being cold. They’re about being clear. They’re how you stop bleeding energy into people who treat your time like a free-for-all snack table.
As the ever-wise Nedra Glover Tawwab (author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace) reminds us: “Boundaries aren’t ultimatums. They’re guides for how we want to be loved and respected.”
And let’s never forget Brené Brown’s mic drop: “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” Read that again. Because that right there is the whole game.
The Reality of Boundary-Setting
Boundaries don’t always feel brave and triumphant. Sometimes they feel gross. Your stomach might twist into knots. You might sweat like you’re in a hot yoga class. Your people-pleaser brain might shriek that you’re being mean. But guess what? Every time you set a boundary, you teach people how to treat you. And more importantly—you teach yourself that you’re worth protecting.
Real-Life Boundaries You Deserve to Start Today:
The “I don’t do last-minute errands anymore” boundary. Because you’re not Amazon Prime.
The “I’m not emotionally available for you when you’re mean to me” boundary. Because love without respect isn’t love.
The “Don’t ask me questions through the bathroom door” boundary. Because you’re entitled to pee in peace, dammit.
The “I don’t answer my phone after 8pm” boundary. Because your nervous system deserves to power down like a damn iPhone.
Action Steps to Get You Started
Pick One Boundary This Week: Not five. Not twelve. One. And hold it like it’s the crown jewels.
Stop Over-Explaining: You’re not on trial in a courtroom. “No” is a complete sentence. Instead of: “I’m so sorry, it’s just that I’m really busy and I feel bad but…” Say: “No, that won’t work for me.”
Try These Guilt-Free Scripts: “I’m already full this week, but I hope you find the support you need.” or “That’s not something I can help with right now.” or “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’ll have to pass.”
Each time you say “no” with love, you say “yes” to your dignity. And here’s the magical part: Boundaries don’t push the right people away—they filter the wrong ones out.
So go ahead, Queen. Love yourself enough to disappoint a few people. Your future self (the one who’s rested, glowing, and snack-bitch-retired) will thank you.
3. Your Kids Are Watching; So Show Them What Self-Respect Looks Like
Here’s the thing nobody says out loud: When you’re overgiving, overdoing, and narrating every single sacrifice like you’re a contestant on Survivor: Motherhood Edition, your kids don’t see a strong mom; they see a tired one.
And guess what they start learning? That love looks like depletion. That being a good mom (or a good woman) means self-abandonment, exhaustion, and boundaries as thin as wet tissue paper. Nope. Not on our watch.
Because I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my kids growing up thinking that “caring” equals “being a doormat.” Or that they’re only worthy when they’re useful to everyone else.
Science Has Entered the Chat
Mirror neurons: Kids literally copy what they see. They watch how you treat yourself, talk about yourself, and stand up for yourself. That becomes their blueprint for how they treat themselves and let others treat them.
Emotional modeling: Research shows that kids absorb not just our behaviors but our emotional states. Chronic stress and resentment don’t stay invisible; kids pick up on them, even when you think you’re hiding it with a big, forced “I’m fine.” They can feel our vibrations and energy more than we even realize.
Your Kids Need to See…
✨ A mom who rests: Not just collapses from exhaustion, but who deliberately pauses because she deserves it.
✨ A mom who says no: And doesn’t spiral into guilt after.
✨ A mom who claims joy for herself: Not because she “earned it,” but because being a human means you’re allowed to feel good.
Realistic Tools:
Rest In Front of Them: Don’t just “squeeze in a nap” when nobody’s looking. Sit your butt on the couch in broad daylight. Let them see that Mom takes breaks, too.
Speak Self-Respect Out Loud: Let them hear you say: “I’m taking quiet time because I matter, too.” or “I can’t help right now because I’m tired, and that’s okay.”
Stop Narrating Your Value: You don’t have to justify existing by announcing every task you’ve accomplished. “I cleaned the house!” or “I organized the pantry!” Mama, you’re not earning gold stars for over-functioning. You’re worthy even if the laundry’s in a heap.
Model Repair, Not Perfection: Show them that when you do overextend, you catch yourself and correct it. That’s powerful modeling.
So the next time you’re tempted to run yourself into the ground, remember: they’re watching. Show them what a woman who respects herself looks like.
And let them get their own damn snacks.
4. Rebuilding Your Self-Worth; One Brick at a Time
This isn’t some Netflix makeover montage where an upbeat Meghan Trainor song plays, you chop off your hair, and magically transform from burnt-out snack bitch to Beyoncé in a power suit.
Nah, babe. That’s Hollywood.
Real-life self-worth work is a slow, steady, often wildly unsexy process. It’s you, in your pajamas at midnight, wrestling with guilt because you said no to that extra volunteer gig at school. It’s you choosing to sit on the couch instead of folding the damn laundry, reminding yourself that your value doesn’t increase with every chore crossed off a list. It’s small. It’s subtle. And it’s sacred as hell.
Because every time you choose yourself (even in tiny ways) you’re laying another brick in the foundation of a life where you exist as you, not as a service provider.
Here’s the reality:
✨ Self-worth doesn’t arrive. It’s built: Piece by piece. Choice by choice. Thought by thought.
✨ It will feel awkward: Especially if you’re used to defining your worth by how much you do for others. Expect discomfort. It means you’re growing.
✨ You’ll disappoint people: That’s okay. Let them be disappointed. You’re not responsible for managing everyone’s emotional weather.
✨ It’s not selfish. It’s survival: Your family doesn’t need a martyr. They need a whole, healthy, vibrant you.
Science-Backed Tools for Your Bricklaying Journey:
Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach reminds us that self-worth isn’t something we earn. It’s something we remember. Over. And over. And over.
CBT Techniques help you spot that voice in your head that says you’re “lazy” if you rest, and gently tell it to shut up.
Daily Self-Worth Rituals:
2-Minute Mirror Talk: Stand in front of the mirror every morning, look yourself dead in the eyes, and say: “I’m not here to earn love. I’m already loved.” Yes, you’ll feel weird. Do it anyway.
Write Your ‘Snack Bitch Manifesto’: This is your personal declaration of independence. Example lines: “I am not everyone’s Plan B.” or “I am no longer available for martyrdom.” and my favorite, “Snack time is not my entire personality.” Sign it. Date it. Stick it to your damn fridge if you have to.
End-of-Day Reflection: Every night, ask yourself:“What did I do today that honored me?” Write it down (even if it’s tin) because tiny choices compound into colossal change.
Every brick you lay—every time you say “no,” every time you rest without apology, every time you speak kindly to yourself instead of tearing yourself down—is a radical act of reclaiming who the hell you are.
You’re not just the glue holding everyone together. You’re the gold. And it’s time you start treating yourself like the precious resource you are.
Reminder Of The Day: You’re Not the Glue, You’re the Gold
You were never meant to hold it all together. You were meant to shine.
Let them get their own snacks. Let the group chat simmer without your immediate emotional labor. Let the laundry pile and your joy rise. Your self-worth is not built in sacrifice—it’s built in truth. So here’s yours:
You are not what you do. You are who you are. And that is more than enough.
✨ Let’s Talk About It ✨
Tell me in the comments:
✨ One boundary you’re claiming this week ✨
✨ One lie about your worth you’re ready to drop ✨
✨ One thing you’re doing just for YOU ✨
Let’s build our self-worth brick by brick, together.
& Don’t forget to share this post with your fellow Snack Bitches turned Boundary Baddies.
If you found this post helpful, be sure to check out my other tips on self-care for busy moms, or browse my full collection of motherhood hacks to make life a little easier! Thank you so much for reading, remember to follow me on all my socials and don’t forget to subscribe to my website to be the first to read my weekly blog.
If no one told you today, you are an amazing mom and I see you. You wouldn’t be reading this blog if you weren’t and I am SO proud of you. Keep loving yourself too, mama.
With Love, Caitlin Nichols
